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October 05, 2005

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Stephanie Gunter

Audrey,
First of all I would like to commend you on how you introduced the two men in the painting, you help your readers understand the importance of the direction that the two men were facing, which signified where they traveling. I think that this is a very important part of understanding Catlins view of the Native American at the time. I think that you could have made your argument of Catlin viewing the Native Americans as being basically confused if you were to seperate the attire of the two men in two different paragraphs and then compare and contrast, a person who hasnt seen the picture might not be able to understand the signifigance in the change. Including the actual picture might also help, if the reader visually saw the picture then they will be able to understand more of the signifigant similarities and difference of the two men. Finally, a rewording of your thesis statement would also help your argument. In your thesis you stated that the Native American tried to blend in with the white americans "but often got ideas mixed up", this statement is a little unclear, a person might think that the native Americans mixed the white american views with their own rather then being confused on how to be white, which you show throughout the rest of your paper. I think that your argument in your post is strong just try to reword your thesis so that it matches with what your talking about

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